I'm still jumping as I type this.
From anger.
And partly also from the haunting after-effects of jumping multiple times at the Standing Broad Jump station.
Okay, I exaggerate.
It's not multiple times.
Just twice.
I only had two shots at jumping at least 189cm - the passing distance for someone my age, for the annual fitness test - and twice, I screwed it up.
Can one. Can one. I've done this before and never failed it, I reminded myself as I stood with both feet shoulder-length apart, and began swaying my body to create momentum that would soon bring me no further than where I was.
One of the hard parts of this is trying to look normal while doing the one most awkward swinging
motion any self-respecting 35-year-old adult could do, without looking
like a lewd lunatic thrusting his hips at imaginary body parts in front of him.
The next hard part, of course, is to land as far as you can.
Every year, I settle for Silver because I couldn't jump far enough to hit the criteria for a Gold standard.
But that's okay. Silver is not a fail.
Oh, but not this time.
At my first attempt, I landed clumsily at the 198th mark. Yay, pass!
But my stupid body had to tilt back from imbalance so instinctively, my hands supported myself from falling backwards with a thud.
That's when my first attempt was rendered fail, because the Standing Broad Jump machine will register the point of contact that's nearest from where we jumped.
In short, I failed the first attempt because the machine thought my palms were my feet.
It's okay, there's another try, says the fitness instructor helpfully.
Yah, right. Another try.
You know how, before stepping into a clinic for a full body check up, you empty your bladder only to find out from the nurse that you'll need urine sample for your check up?
Erm, but I just peed one minute ago. How to find the urine for you, missy?
That's exactly how I felt.
I used up all my strength to propel forward for that 198, and you're asking me - who's spent and empty - to try AGAIN?!
Never mind. Try.
The second attempt was a 180.
If it were PSLE scores, I would have passed. But it was IPPT, too bad.
So I clocked 0 points for my Standing Broad Jump station - which, in Monopoly, means do NOT pass Go, do NOT collect 200 and go straight to jail.
And that got me fuming.
Look. All my life, I had been relatively fit. And now.... I am deemed unfit because I can't leap?
Got technique one. Can train one, was what a friend told me.
Yes, yes, yes. Can train. But it's like training for a shot at gambling.
IPPT testers might as well set up a station where, after we sweat it out at some stations, come and try our luck, roll a dice and see if we're lucky or unlucky before deciding how fit we are.
This is a silly analogy but it's how I feel the Standing Broad Jump station to be - see if you're lucky or not lah.
That got me thinking about how the IPPT truly reflects one's fitness.
Never mind that the NSman can run 10km in 52 minutes flat, or 2.4km in 10 minutes, or can do 12 pull ups. Never mind all that. Cannot jump means unfit, sorry.
And that also got me thinking how relevant the IPPT is.
Take me. I serve the police force when I'm on reservist.
So, let's say I can do my shuttle run in under 10 seconds.
It proves that I'm able to produce that burst of energy, right?
Let's apply it to my policing work.
Suppose I need that burst of energy to last me 20, 30, or maybe even 60 seconds. Would I be able to sustain that?
And just what can I do with my under-10-second shuttle run prowess?
What, sprint to the burglar, touch his shoes, sprint back to my police vehicle, touch the tyres, then sprint back and handcuff the fella, issit?
What about Standing Broad Jump?
I chase a robber for 2.4km, and when I see a longkang, I immediately get into position (feet shoulder-length apart, body begins swaying in a lewd, forward-hip-thrusting motion), jump, then continue chasing the fella, issit?
Perhaps, it's timely what Defence Minister said about the IPPT.
That it's time to make it simpler (how ironic that I was one of the journos who had reported this piece of potentially good news, only to later rue the fact that it hadn't come any sooner).
I guess it's seriously time to re-think the IPPT.
No need to make us do the Standing Broad Jump station, and make us jump through hoops to gauge our fitness levels.
You can trust that I'll still be jumping from now on.
But only because I'll be training to pass the wretched station, and not be defeated by something that I feel is an unfair marker of physical fitness.
