Celebrity kiss and tell

So I haven't slept with any TVB, MediaCorp or Hollywood stars.

But I think I can still tell a bit.

In my previous life as an entertainment writer for a magazine, I had done several things with celebrities -- including sharing a slice of cake with Hong Kong actress Charmaine Sheh, making singer Wakin Chau guffaw at some lame joke, and annoying the hell out of balladeer Jeff Chang by forcing him to tell me which male celebrity he'd like to French kiss.

In tonight's post, I won't be making any point (that's effectively saying all my previous posts had very good points that would value-add humanity and anyone who's read any of my posts will walk away with karmic points trailing him or her).

Instead, I'm just gonna recall some of the celebrities I'd met and spoken to, and pen some afterthoughts about them.

And in my usual dramatic fashion to kick start the list.... Celebrity Kiss and Tell stand by.... in five... four... three... two....

1. Taufik Batisah 
The year was 2005, just months after mister doe-eyed won the first Singapore Idol. Our meeting was unceremonious. No proper seats for the one-on-one. Unglam even. Taufik was performing at some CC (filled with makcik fans who screamed at his appearance, I kid you not). We met backstage. He looked tired. And with him was an entourage of more makciks (whom I assume are his relatives), who had accompanied him on the stint and doubled up that outing as a picnic party, for they had brought their mats and epok epok along. They offered me food like I was part of the family. The feeling was good. I was no longer interested in listening to the newly-minted idol. All I really cared about was what filling the epok epok had, and if Taufik's relatives would be so kind as to make me some coffee along with the yummy offerings. Sorry Taufik. Epok epok one, Taufik Batisah zero.

2. Ekin Cheng
I was warned quite sternly by Ekin's manager. Do NOT ask him anything about his love life. Any questions about Ekin's current girlfriend Yo Yo Mung would NOT be entertained. To idiotic journalists like me, that means, Wai Kit, ASK ahead. And so, I risked being parang-slashed by Ekin -- best known for his role as a charismatic gangster in Young And Dangerous circa 1990s  -- by asking him about Yo Yo Mung. Instead of flipping the table to reveal some hidden parang, Ekin gave me a weak smile, nodded, and said, "okay, just for you". Whoa, just for me? Dude, you made it to my top 10 favourite male artistes that very day.

3. Twins
Cutesy and polite onscreen, these two lovable Hong Kong singers are not that lovable off stage. And they're even worse backstage. Perhaps, it was because journos from Singapore, Hong Kong and Taiwan were jostling to get the girls' attention during a commercial break of some singing programme. Or perhaps, I looked like one of their ex-boyfriends. I don't know. They were slightly annoyed, and gave me mostly half-hearted answers. At one point, I swear one of them even pouted and asked, are you all done? Hell yeah. I'm done with that badass attitude, thank you ma'am.

4. Joe Ma
This fella picked up a knife and started mindlessly fiddling away with it the moment I sat opposite him for a five-minute one-on-one at a restaurant of the hotel he was staying. Two minutes into my interview, Joe -- whom I believe is many aunties' favourite TVB Hong Kong serial hero -- had no intention of putting down that knife. Even as I exhausted all my PR charm and patience on him, Mr Joe here simply wasn't interested in basic courtesy of looking one in his eyes. By the third minute, he had slouched so lazily I thought someone had blowpiped sleep darts at him from behind. Were my questions boring him? Should I be asking him the size of his penis just to jolt him up? By the fifth minute, he seemed all bright and fresh -- because the next journalist came with her camera crew. And just like that, Joe Ma's TV instincts kicked in, becoming all smiley and charming. Someone fucking give that fella a Best Actor Award already.

5. Jackie Chan
The bigger the star, the more diva he is? Not with this international celebrity. Although I was among many other reporters at the press conference, Jackie Chan the kungfu master is also quite the PR master. When responding to my question, he looked right at me, quite sincerely I must add, and made me feel as if all other reporters had faded in the background. And that fella smiles as if he's forgotten he's a super star.So earnest, this one is by far the top celeb in the Humble Stars list that exists only in my head.

6.  Charmaine Sheh
Oh, my, god. I'm meeting Snow White. Or at least, I'd cast her as Snow White if ever I become a TVB director. (I'll cast Joe Ma -- number 4 -- as her step mother. Yes, I want that bitch to drag.) It was tea time, and the buffet line was filled with pastries, cakes and whatnot. "Sorry I haven't eaten. I hope you don't mind if I eat as you interview?" she asks in Cantonese. And before I could reply, she says, "share, share. ok?" It is hard not to love this svelte actress, whose dramas I loved watching. But at that point, I was more interested in watching her eat. It's not every day you see idols stuffing their faces in front of journos. And because I was that close to her, I could see that, behind the foundation and make up, there were no wrinkles (accurate as at years ago when I saw her). As I walked away that day, the only image I have of Charmaine were her cakes and very classy French manicure.

7. Wakin Chau
I was determined to unmask that goofy face. There's NO way anyone can be so happy. One of the first things I asked the amiable singer was, why the hell are you always so happy, and always grinning like a goon? But he met my answers with even more grinning. It's one thing to see the singer laughing heartily on TV, and another, to see that up close. The difference, you can feel that Wakin's chortle is heartfelt. Don't ask me why. He warms up to people very easily and laughs readily at almost anything. So the next time you bump into Wakin -- however big that likelihood is -- tell him a lame joke. He'll make you feel like the most humorous person in town.

8. Jeff Chang
Here's the game plan, I told my colleague who writes for her Chinese entertainment columns. We're going to corner Jeff Chang and make him come out to us during the interview. We'll ask him innocuous questions in the first half of the interview, and just like how assassins casually walk up to their targets at bar counters and swiftly snap their necks from behind, we're gonna assault the Taiwanese balladeer with a volley of questions involving possible romance with men. The verdict? We did ask him -- point blank. Right after one question about his plans for his next album, we asked him -- as if it were the most natural thing to do -- "So, are you gay?" I heard a stifled choke from one of his minders. But the singer was so sweet and earnest that when my colleague and I each wrote our stories, we never used any of his answers that we had so cruelly set up for him.